A TENTATIVE EFFORT IN OCTOBER, 2011

Life at the moment

If life were ideal, if my faith and joy were as consistently healthy as they should be, each day I would thank God for allowing me to awake and enjoy a new day. Unfortunately, little stresses preclude me from waking up in a joy-filled stupor every morning. Maybe today is one of those less than joy-filled days. Maybe today doesn’t have to remain such, but maybe it isn’t quite as joyous as it could be. 

I’ve been recuperating from a case of pneumonia so bad it nearly killed me. I’ve been recuperating from coding and being resuscitated in a step-down hospital after having two grand maul seizures from a premature, and unnecessary medication withdrawal because doctors orders either didn’t arrive with me or were displaced. As always, and as we all do, I’ve learned a few things about myself, about others, about human nature, about important things, and less important things, about life, and about friendship simply because I have had the experiences I have had.

Today, my husband and I are frantically, sometimes joyfully, sometimes painfully, always flexibly, running down a path we wouldn’t likely have been traveling if we hadn’t decided to take the more scenic route and not duke it out in a foreclosure fisticuff in these grand and united States of America, and we are  in a state, aren’t we? (< the lower case “u” was what we commonly call “creative license” around here).

Recently a friend of mine at my church (hi Christi!) gave her testimony, in part to remind all of us in the family that none of us are alone, that other people have gone through the same things we have gone through, and that we can lean on others and be leaned on by others. I agree, as a general rule, we can encourage and pull each other through bad times because we’ve all had some of the same experiences.

Sometimes, however, and I don’t say this because I am arrogant and think what my husband I went through is so special no one can understand it, but sometimes we do feel sort of alone, don’t we? Sometimes there simply is not anyone in our immediate church family who can fully relate to or understand our specific circumstances.  They can support, they can encourage, and most importantly they can help us grow in faith by sharing their own faith building experiences with us, but what I guess I am trying to articulate is that sometimes, in the darkest hours of our understanding (or misunderstanding) what if God, maybe, doesn’t want us turning to anyone else but Him, and Him alone?  What if He wants us to fall into His arms and not the arms of a friend? I suspect there will be times like that too, I’ve had them. 

Our church family was an immense help and support to my husband and I throughout the entire experience we had. I can tell you they did everything right in the way they were there for us. Our church family is still a tremendous encouragement to us today. I have confidence and faith that they will always be a tremendous support to us any time we need them because they have well-proven themselves to be faithful to serve and care for their extended family. I think we should be aware, however, that God may use times of seeming darkness to force us to turn from others and recognize from whence our help comes (Psalm 121:1-2).  

It might be bitter but necessary medicine to, in the depths of a Christian’s loneliness and seeming despair, recognize there is but one friend who can truly satisfy every emotional and spiritual need we have, and that friend, of course, is our mediator, Jesus, the risen Savior of the world (John 6:35).

Maybe something I should share about the experience Larry and I suffered, in order to encourage others, is this acknowledgement and acceptance that the One (as Christians) we need the most is God and sometimes only He can give us the complete and compassionate understanding we seek because only He fully knows us as intimately as we yearn to be known. Don’t misunderstand me, either.  I’m not saying Christi was wrong. Christi is exactly right. We are not alone.  We do have each other to support one another. We do have each other to encourage each other. We can reach out to one another and should reach out to one another in love, compassion and care and there will be times when we can completely understand what someone else is going through. I guess something extra I am trying to express is that it’s also true that there may be circumstances others cannot fully and completely understand, but the great news is that you are still not alone and you still do not have to go through any circumstance alone, even if no other person you know has had the same experience because, if you are a Christian, you have the very best friend to lean on ever.  Never forget He is there, even when you cannot speak, He is there, interceding for you (Romans 8:26).

Remember how I mentioned my husband and I are always running "flexibly" on our new life path? That’s true because our means are limited, and it is by the grace of God and a friend that, for today, I have access to write on the internet. That may last a very long time, it may last a month, it may last a day, hey, to be honest, I could no longer have internet access from home this afternoon, and so that’s what I mean about being flexible. I have to be okay with that. I have to enjoy what I have at any given moment and be willing to just shrug my shoulders if it walks out the door this afternoon. In other words, I have to just deal with it. What? Well, okay, that isn’t entirely true. That is only true if I choose to stay where I am and continue to live in these circumstances and do nothing to change these circumstances. It is only true if life is static rather than unfettered.  It is unbelievable the freedom we have if we really cared to grasp it, isn’t it? We only think we have no choice or, at times, no hope because we allow ourselves to believe it is true, not because it is true.  

Anyway, check back here sometime if you want.  Why you’d want to I cannot say, but maybe I’ll be around sometimes this winter when there isn’t so much to do in the garden, and maybe I’ll share some more thoughts and tell you about whatever farm projects Larry and I are in the middle of any given day. No promises mind you.

One of the things I am considering is creating a new Web log more suited to my life today. If I decide to do that at some point I will leave the new link here.

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